Once you have opened this bulletin...

There is a myspace page I once called my own. It still exists but I have made a commitment to no longer update it nor visit it. The only reason I can't delete it is because the original email I used to register is long gone and they won't let me get rid of it without a confirmation email. Anyway, why did I make this commitment? I hated the entire concept of myspace. The two things I miss, however, are blogging (which I have renewed with this new site) and editing friends' bulletins to poke fun at how retarded they were for posting the unintelligible crap to begin with. And tonight, I bring you an example:

Once you have opened this bulletin, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictionist. Read your sign, then repost this in a new bulletin with your zodiac sign and label. If u dont repost this, u will have bad luck for as long as it says in your description!!

V • I • R • G • O: The Moron

Aggressively stupid. Sucks on thumb until an age as late as 32 years. Cannot form complete sentences unless they have a 'wing-man' to finish it for them. Tends to spend most of their life in their natural habitat known only as THE GYM. The guys' penises are extremely small and the females could use their labias as a parachute. 2 minutes of excruciating bad luck if you don't repost.

S • C • O • R • P • I • O: The tumorous

Spends 98% of their life talking on a cell phone. Has the supernatural ability to hear a phone ring from as much as 9 miles away. The incessant ringing of everyone's phone within that 9 mile radius makes all Scorpios complete idiots. Since a cell phone is suctioned to their head for most of their life, their skull, brain, and facial tissue is completely infected by tumors. They are slaves to mobile communication and text messaging and will probably die an empty shell of a human being. 75 years of bad luck whether you repost this or not.

L • I • B • R • A: The chlamydiac

Ugly as fuck, but still manages to have sex more often than any other sign. That is of course because they screw mutually hideous creatures, and hideous creatures are of high abundance in the U.S. Their genitalia is usually rotten by the ripe age of 24. Testicles hang to the mid-thigh by age 36, and vaginal flaps look like Angelina Jolie's smile by age 25. All Libras should go see a doctor immediately or you know what your bad luck will be.

A • R • I • E • S: The homosexual

Everyone with this sign is a queer. Not that there's anything wrong with that. A lifetime without ever finding a same sex partner is in store if you don't repost this.

A • Q • U • A • R • I • U • S: Poops in the water

Generally does not have a concern for the well being of the environment or the individuals who live in it. Full blown dumbass. Tends to eat shit for breakfast. The worse thing is they are fully aware that they are wasting our oxygen by existing. Though this sign should have the highest suicidal rate, it doesn't. Instead we're left with a mindless, littering, Hummer driving idiot that can't help but shit and piss while they walk ANYWHERE. Infinite years of bad luck if you don't repost this.

G • E • M • I • N • I: Ultra idiotic

Borderline tree stump. Somehow manages to make it from point A to point B but usually with the help of a Leo. Wears what they like to call a cowboy hat, otherwise known as a dunce cap. The hump in the "cowboy hat" is usually used to store extra 'chaw' or 'dip' or 'tobaccy'. Others have been known to carry a roll of toilet paper for when they have an 'accident'. Legends predict that all Geminis will eventually be wiped to extinction in a process of elimination known only as RODEO. I won't even bother asking you to repost or offer you bad luck, b/c you have it bad enough and you don't know what a 'puter is.

L • E • O: God-like

Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at everything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Loyal.Addictive. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Great when found. Leos are all gods of their own nature. They shun all other forms of scripture except their own. They are by far the greatest beings to grace this ill-ridden planet. Will have billions of years of good luck when you repost this.

C • A • N • C • E • R: Worst Kisser

Kissing a cancer is like kissing a butthole. Don't do it. Plus, you'll get cancer. 8 months of bad luck if you don't repost.

P • I • S • C • E • S: Smells like ass

Does not know how to bathe. Does not know how to wash dishes. Does not know how to use deodorant. Does not know how to change their own diapers. Complete and utter animals. And that's not a good thing. They jump around like monkeys, laugh like hienas, throw their shit like chimps, eat their own shit like dogs, and masturbate in public. 85 years bad luck, so for god's sake repost then take a shower.

C • A • P • R • I • C • O • R • N: The overzealous christian

Wastes money, tells people what they can and cannot do. Speaks in loud demanding tones like they're hiding something. Blinks eyes in a ferocious, quick manner like they're hiding something. Wears big oversized robes like they're hiding something. Capricorns tend to wear a devious grin when a shiny plate is passed through a crowd of people sometimes called a congregation and an 'offering' is made. Politically corrupt. Cannot resist saying "God Bless You" whether someone sneezes or not. Likes young boys. An eternity in hell if you don't repost this.

T • A • U • R • U • S: The cool bean

Complete and utter JACKASS. Typically exists as a lie. Constantly strives to be something they're not. Does not know the lyrics to rap songs but tries to act like they do. Usually, taurus's spend all of their paycheck on trying to make their car look 'cool' and will even risk living without electricity in the process because they are POOR. Firmly believes people like you not because of your personality, but rather because of the 'ice' you wear and the chrome on your wheels. This is most likely because their personalities do suck and they are desperate. They also have small penises. 3 years bad luck.

S • A • G • I • T • T • A • R • I • U • S. The unfortunate

Uglier than a Libra.... ouch. Go kill yourself.